THE BATTLE BEGINS INSIDE ALL OF US
The Battle of the Wills with our kids starts within us and within our children. We have an Upper Nature that is ran by our conscious choice, our conscience. The Upper Nature perceives the world (Ant & Bee), has an emotions response to it (Macho and Cuddles), plans what to do (Geru), and carries out those plans (Rabbit and Turtle) that are approved by our Consciousness. It is so simple and usually works quite efficiently. It has helped us build our sciences, our families, our world of research and literature, and our houses and cities.
But we also have a Lower Nature, a survival mode, that can really save us in dangerous situations, and so it is quicker to respond. Fear usually sets it off. But it can dominate.The problem is the Lower Nature is faster to respond then the Upper Nature and sees way too many things and other people as dangerous and so wants to deceive (Spiedie), be greedy Raccoon), blame (Crow), and fight (Coyote) when it is unneeded.
Our Lower Natures can also be whats behind the battle of the wills inside of us that wants to fight the battle of the wills with our children. What a mess it can be. It creates most of our daily crises and takes up a lot of our time and energy that leads to nowhere or to the next crises. If the Lower Nature is stronger or bigger, by genetics or learned, then the Upper Nature, expect lots of bad decisions by Dragon, our alter ego.
The battle starts when we, or our children, do something that, like a flashback, brings up a memory, an old emotional response to that memory, a justifications of what we or others did in the past, and the old habits of fighting back. It could be that as children we were severely punished for taking a cookie and told we were no good and would amount to nothing if we were not severely spanked. So we are on auto pilot. We jump into the past and fear that if we don’t do something drastic to our kids that the crises will continue into the future and grow worse. So we are all ramped up to stop the nonsense now no matter what it takes.
We quickly rehearse the past actions, add to them our present opportunity to act, and plunge into the battle before we stop and think. We have told our our children to look before they leap as we leap into the battle ourselves before deliberating properly. I add the word properly to infer we may not have stopped and thought about it in as productive a way as we could have, or as we want to teach our children to do. We want to teach our children how their Conscious Choice can stop or step on the Lower Nature. So we too, must stop our Lower Natures from doing as our own parents or teachers may have taught us to do irrationally.
Now, you rightfully may be thinking, just what is the proper way, as you feel I may be plunging into the subject without having considered your pride and dignity. That is not intended. But, it is not in our evolutionary genetic makeup to stop and think. Yes, it takes time or experience, emotional maturity, wisdom, and trial and error experience to begin to know what to do each and every time. And even if we have everything it takes, still, maturity has a way of dropping off or we forget to use it, or it does not always seem to work in all situations.
To be more fair to you I will add, maturity is a life time learning experience as to when and where and how to use it. It is a very complex formula. So I and will try and outline it for you in simple four steps, not necessarily so much for your own behavior but to help you teach your children, especially our more mischievous children who may have been born with, or learned to have, a more active stronger Lower Natures. So bear with me until I get the next posts out.